While I was failing to produce a child, I read exhaustively: books, scholarly journals, articles, forums, and Facebook groups. I considered the full spectrum of data related to infertility.

Books & Studies: What’s Proven

I wanted to know what was proven, so I read high-quality research studies and books by M.D.s, Ph.D.s. and experts. I spent a lot of time on PubMed. I bought a dozen books about infertility, including:

Clinical Results: What’s Emerging

I wanted to know what was emerging, so I followed the work of practicing physicians who were sharing good clinical results. Clinical results are particularly interesting to me, because it often paves the way for formal, controlled studies. Some doctors may be doing things differently:

  • treating issues that often go ignored
  • using medications in an off-label way
  • working with protocols and procedures that aren’t yet mainstream.

Biological clock ticking, I was not keen to wait decades for “proof” in the form of research studies. Mounting clinical evidence was enough to convince me to explore some new ideas.

Groups & Forums: What’s Working

I wanted to know what was (and wasn’t) working, so I kept my ear to the ground: reading forum and group testimonials of women who were privately sharing personal anecdotes. This was invaluable because I could see, in real time, how others in my situation were overcoming infertility, and where they were encountering friction.

  • What had they tried in the past?
  • Who were they working with?
  • What tests were they doing?
  • What techniques, procedures and medication protocols were getting results now?

Knowing what to avoid is as important as knowing what to try, when time is of the essence. Asking questions and getting quick answers felt like a superpower, too.

Blending research study data, reports from clinical practice, and personal anecdotes, I started to experience an absolutely paradigm-shifting series of revelations.

Infertility manifests in different ways

Primary Infertility: Couples who cannot get pregnant after one year of trying. Some couples never see a positive pregnancy test.

Secondary Infertility: Couples who have been able to successfully deliver a baby at least once but are now unable to.

Miscarriage is Infertility

Some couples can get pregnant and may see lots of positive tests, but experience the heartbreak of implantation failure, recurrent early losses (chemical pregnancies) or early first trimester losses. Some get pregnant and have successful implantation, but experience tragic later losses (miscarriage, recurrent miscarriage, and stillbirth).

Infertility and miscarriage are common

Infertility affects 1 in 7 reproductive age couples

In nations with abundant food, advanced healthcare, a high standard of living, and education for all, the statistics around infertility and miscarriage are disproportionate: exceedingly and inexplicably common. Despite evidence that reproductive outcomes are progressively worsening, infertility and miscarriage are being normalized.

Miscarriage occurs in 1 in 4 recognized pregnancies

Couples are reassured that miscarriage is normal, because it happens so frequently. Many are told: “It was probably chromosomal.” –Without confirmatory testing, this is just an assumption. It should be standard practice to give parents the option of chromosomally testing miscarriage tissue, even the first time, instead of waiting for repeated losses.

Couples who suspect that miscarriage might be a sign of an underlying health disorder (a logical and legitimate concern) often have their concerns dismissed and minimized. It can be hard to find someone open to doing diagnostics. Other known causes of miscarriage are written off as rare and are not readily investigated or treated for:

  • hormone imbalance
  • infection
  • immune dysfunction
  • sperm defects
  • anatomical issues
  • blood clotting issues
  • endometriosis
  • fibroids
  • PCOS

All forms of infertility can be difficult to treat

Even a thorough Reproductive Endocrinology workup may leave gaps

Explained infertility can be hard to overcome, despite clearly diagnosed problem(s) and a targeted plan. Unexplained infertility may be even more challenging. “Just keep trying” is the typical advice (repeating the same ineffective tactics— using cookie-cutter protocols).

Implantation failure, chemical pregnancies, miscarriage, and recurrent miscarriage get very little attention. Sadly, there are no effective, widely available solutions for this type of infertility.

You have to work hard to build a supportive team

OBs and REs can become gatekeepers

Some OBs and REs are stuck in an old paradigm, putting rules on what must happen to warrant a deeper infertility workup:

  • a couple must TTC (try to conceive) for a year without success and/or
  • must endure 2-3 losses

This insensitive treatment is is physically and mentally harmful, illogical, and a waste of precious time.

Many OBs and REs actively discourage couples from exploring cutting-edge testing and treatments (preferring to wait for settled science). They may even object to treatments with well-documented benefits, including: complimentary medicine like acupuncture, simple nutritional testing and counseling or targeted supplementation.

This was just the start of my infertility awakening.

When I joined the ranks of the infertile, I was truly naive. I thought a few supplements, a little progesterone, and tightening up my diet and lifestyle would sort me right out. I dutifully maintained my fertility habits and tracked my cycles, only to watch the months fly by, with no real pregnancy.

After some time, I was sure an RE would be sympathetic and could investigate and treat my individual issues.

The first RE I saw laughed me out of the room. He barely glanced at my labs and history, before telling me that my odds of conception would be the same if I did nothing special and just kept trying. He insisted that there was nothing I could “do” to overcome recurrent implantation failure – and dismissed the research I had compiled.

He was very close-minded. But worse, he was insensitive. We had recently lost a cherished pregnancy. We had endured months of positive tests fading. I could not believe I’d waited so long to see this doctor, and it was a dead end.

Deeply affected by this experience, I started to really question standard fertility treatments. Reading forum and group posts related to recurrent loss, I noticed IUI and IVF didn’t usually solve the problem. I began to realize, even if I could save up enough money for fancy treatments, they might not work. They probably wouldn’t work, for me.

Which begged the question: What do I do? I refused to accept what the RE had told me. I knew something was going on with my health or my partner’s health that was preventing successful reproduction. I had to dig deeper.

In this series, I will share the rest of my infertility revelations and ah-ha moments: